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I am so very
ordinary and do not pretend to be a guru on anything or "holy
expert" on right and wrong.
But I am blessed with a loving heart, and unique ability (much of it from
personal experience) to understand and
explain man-woman dynamics, capacity to walk in other
people's shoes, reach them where they are at in their lives,
help them get back on their feet and inspire them to live the
life and relationship they were meant to live.
Here I candidly share with
you
my victories, my failures, my pain, my fears, my resolve, my gifts, my
abilities, and how I got to where I am today...
One reason I am
doing this is because I believe that by baring myself to you, you'll not
only have a good sense of who I am as a person but you'll see in your own
self the unique and special individual you already are.
Hopefully you'll
be inspired to look for your own answers in your own life, your own upbringing, particular
events in your life (good and bad) and the religious and cultural influences
that shape your beliefs, values, attitude, thoughts, actions, and how you
approach love and how you have relationships.
Who really am I?
When asked to
introduce myself, I used to list all my academic qualifications and professional
achievements, but that
changed three years ago.
I was waiting at the airport for my
three daughters who were landing in Canada from Uganda. I
had not seen them in more than three years and was waiting in
the arrivals terminal with a group of friends when a smiling
Immigrations Officer walked up to me and said "Christine,
your daughters are in there. I need you to come in through
that door and sign the papers to complete their landing status".
Surprised, I asked, "how did you know I was Christine?" He told
me: "I asked your daughters how I will recognize their
mother among so many people waiting at the arrivals terminal and
they said "she's somewhat tall, somewhat light skinned and
has big hair". I told them there are probably a hundred
somewhat tall, somewhat light skinned women with big hair also
waiting for their loved ones. They looked at each other
and said "she smiles a lot" and here you are,
smiling a lot, just as your daughters said you would be".
That is
how I always want to be known and remembered -
she smiles a lot.
But more than that, I want to be known as the one who
helps
others find reason to smile a lot.
What is it that I
love about coaching?
I love people and I love helping people move away from a place of
feeling "hopeless"
and discouraged to "hope-
full", excited, passionate and joyful; from
feeling powerless
and depressed to feeling
power-
full, sensuous and vitally alive.
I am incredibly passionate about my work and the
results
it brings to my clients. A big part of what I love about
what I do is the honesty and integrity people demonstrate as they
discover more of themselves. It is as though they don't want to know
what's inside but as they turn and face the truth it's not so bad. And
then it's not bad at all. Then it's really great! The deeper they
go the more they seek the truth about themselves more vigorously, and
the more they yearn for real life; life that thrives in the pleasure of
just being alive, in the moment.
Sometimes I think I get more
excited about other's successes than they do! Watching my
clients blast through obstacles to create fulfilling lives and
great relationships is a feeling that can't be fully expressed
in words. It always makes me think to myself "I couldn't
have been anywhere else doing anything else. This is it!" It's
that profound.
How did I become a
coach?
From what I read, many Dating Coaches and Seduction Gurus become
“experts” because they once were shy, ignored or had problems
approaching and attracting the opposite sex. Others became “experts”
because they found love after only one "trial and error" and have been
married for many years. And others because they want to help their
fellow men or women "beat" the opposite sex at their own game.
I became a Dating Coach because I love men and I am (and always have
been) damn good with the opposite sex (excuse me for blowing my own
horn, but it is the truth).
I grew up a tomboy and most of my close relationships were and are still
with the opposite gender. Because of that I am completely at home around
guys and can talk about many things that a man finds interesting (all
the way) and I can be as "girly" as any woman can be. This is
probably why for many years, I was what Dr. Herb Goldberg calls the “Magic Lady” -
the woman who causes men to behave in ways they had never dreamed they
would and do things they’d ordinarily never would.
Although I am an attractive woman in every sense of the word (not the
Playmate of the year type of attractive), looks wasn’t what earned me
the “Magic Woman” aura.
What empowers my aura -- and shapes how I treat others?
In terms of
material possessions
I was born and
raised in what is probably one of the most ancient and
traditional societies in the world.
Herbert D. Prawius says it better
when he wrote: Life has for the most part remained
unchanged for thousands of years. Western technology, medicine, dress
culture, and Christianity, found in varying degrees throughout Uganda,
have made virtually no inroads among the Karimojong.
Geographically, ethnically, and politically, Karamoja is, for all
practical purposes, a country within a country. For better or for worse,
the land and its people remain a vestige of pre-colonial Africa.
This is also one
of the materially poorest parts of Africa, so poor that even the poor
people in Uganda to this day call this the "poorest part of the
world".
But they say one
man’s concept of poverty is another man’s concept of gracious plenty.
As
materially deprived my background was, growing up in this part of the world
was the best thing that could have ever happened to me because great
LOVE and HUMANITY I found here. Every single day was
special and lived to it's fullest --together. We
talked together. Laughed together. Wept together. Built homes together.
Raised children together. Sang together. Danced together. Walked through the sunshine and rain
together. Prayed together. Hoped together. Changed together. Loved
together.
No
pretences, no trying to impress anyone and no need to appear to
be who we were not. We had one very basic qualification
for belonging -- being a human being with strengths and
weaknesses, blessings and struggles, and individual talents and
individual faults.
This
is where I learned to be an authentic human being among other authentic human
beings...
Looking back,
no amount
of money or
material possessions would have given me a solid foundation from which to step
out into the big world with so much love in my heart and a big wide smile on my face. I am sometimes asked what I am always smiling
about and I just say "life". I
would have never in my wildest dreams crafted a path more rich in
life experience -- lessons, blessings and opportunities -- as
the one I have walked this far. For that, I will forever be grateful
to God.
I grew up
feeling special and very much loved at home, at school and basically by everyone
except for the one person I fantasized about, dreamed about, and thought
about almost every waking moment of my young life -- my biological
father. I saw my biological father a couple of times for a few
hours each time, first when I was 5 and again when I was 11 but that was
all.
As a grown up woman, I
subconsciously chased after my father in the men I dated (and even
married). A part of me sought out my father in the
men I picked out (even looks and qualities) because that part of me
wanted to make the men love me the way my father should have loved me.
The child in me who felt abandoned by him made sure I could make the men
want to be in my life (always and forever) because I wasn't able to make
my father do it. That "inner child' wanted to show them what an
attractive, charming and loving
caring woman I had grown up to be because my father never got to meet
that every parent's "dream child" turned every man “dream woman”. My
inner child also wanted to "punish" the men for (unlike my father) being
too available. Basically "punish" them for messing up my sick game.
When I was with a guy, I
was this incredible woman who really knows how to love him - adoring but unneeding, loving but independent,
assertive but without all the female
pressures on him to impress me, make me happy or prove anything to me. Every one
of these men told me what was "difficult" with other women seemed so
easy with me. They felt so emotionally connected to me like I knew their
very soul. They could be themselves around me, say what they want and
feel without monitoring their language or thoughts because they felt
that I truly understood them and loved them for who they were. No
demands, no expectations, no unrealistic assumptions about
relationships, no shoulds, no jealousies, no silly
hide-and-seek dating games, no hang-ups and no fears of the future (so
it seemed).
I was his dream woman: a successful professional, "dangerously"
flirtatious, sex-positive, full of life, upfront, down to earth,
understanding, affectionate, spontaneous, playful, adventurous, and
authentic and honest with my feelings, needs and desires. A spiritual
woman with a good heart, always there for others. And when I was in
love, no woman loved like I did. I gave a man my heart, my love and my
total trust. I held nothing back. In return the men wanted to be there
for me, love me, protect me and give me everything I wanted, though I
never asked for anything. I never had any of “he doesn’t spend enough
time with me" because the guys would do anything to get to where I was
even if it was for a day - including sleeping in airports waiting for a
connecting flight. And I would be there at the “arrivals" terminal just
the way they’d fantasized it.
Everything was “great” until he began talking about commitment and “the
future.” Something inside me instantly disconnected. I still loved him
and all that but I felt pressured, crowded, smothered, trapped and
“wanted to be owned”.
There was nothing "wrong"
with these guys or the relationship, and it's not like I was "settling"
because they met everyone of my criteria (and more) for what I was
looking for in a guy. The were "right" in every sense of the word
and I was very attracted to them and even loved them with all my heart
-- and had no doubts whatsoever that they loved me right back. But
the words “commitment” triggered a mental image of
a “bird in a cage” with its wings clipped and it’s free-spirit crashed
by a programmed routine existence. I became distant instantly. It was
like a survival instinct.
The more distant I
became the more desperate the men became. A couple of them started
checking up on me behind my back, asking my friends and family and
talking to anybody who knew me for “input” on where they stood.
Sometimes they’d confront me wanting to know if there was someone else,
if I still loved them, if I found such and such a man attractive, if I
was for real etc. I answered with the same honesty and openness as
before but disconnected. If he got angry, I never got angry back. If he
became emotional and cried, I cried with him. If he wanted to talk about “our future” I just kept quite or told him “let’s take a day at a
time”. After begging and pleading with nothing working they’d give up
and leave. When it looked like they were leaving I would turn around and
beg them "not to leave me" only to lose interest again as soon as the
relationship became serious. I would play this sick game until the man
got tired and left - for good.
But even them, every now and then they’d call to see if I was alright
(or if there was someone else). Sometimes we got back together only to
break-up as before. With everyone of them a great friendship followed in
which I became an “advisor” on women - and I even found a wife for one
of them.
For many years I ran, I hid and I broke hearts, including my own.
Whenever I was confronted about my behaviour by a family member or close
friend I always laughed it off with "Why make one man happy when I can
make many miserable". Unknown to me, my intended care-free humour was
loaded with so much truth behind every word.
It's true what my people say: there
is nothing like the desire for a mature soulful sexual partnership
to awaken in us the desire to understand the fullness of
ourselves, to reconcile the conflicts, to heal the emotional
wounds, to adjust and eventually to blend our sexual nature with
the other parts of our lives. This is how the universe gets our
attention. This is how our soul gets our attention. This is how
LOVE gets our attention.
It took
me a trip to my native village for me to figure out why my
existence had become superficial, empty, meaningless and
depressing, why my job in international development wasn't fulfilling anymore and why my
love life was such a mess. This was the only place I felt
safe enough to come face to face with my “demons” .
It was at this
point in my life, that I began to recognize the game I was playing with
myself.
The more
truth about myself I learned, the more determined I was to rescue
myself from the behavior that was preventing me from manifesting a
soulful, spiritually loving relationship. I threw myself
into relearning the secrets of ancient erotic practices and
courtship rituals so that I could use these secrets to refine my
very active dating life. But it wasn't just my love life
that needed a complete makeover, my whole life needed a makeover.
My career needed a makeover. I quit my job. I didn't know what I
was going to do next, I just knew it was time to move on - and that God
had a plan for my life.
After much
inner work, amazing things started happening in my life. At some point
(I don't recall when), I must have become aligned to my life's purpose
because men and women, young and old, friends and total strangers almost
like instinctively would start telling me about their relationship
problems. Sometimes it was "you seem like a really nice person, can I
talk to you about something? Sometimes the conversation eased into
relationship problems. And sometimes, I'd over hear a conversation and
step in with some advice. At first I thought my ability to help others
was a result of my many years of relationship problems. But as I
continued my "healing and growth process", it became all crystal clear.
It was my destiny.
I come
from a long line of generations of nurses, midwives, healers,
ritual mothers, agony aunties and traditional match makers, and
had somehow inherited my desire and passion for "being there for
others in the moment of crisis and in the moment of great
happiness." This is one of the reasons I had chosen to
pursue education in Psychology Counselling. I know that now,
but I chose Psychology because I thought I enjoyed learning why
people behave the way they behave and do the things they do.
I also now know that there was a reason I had to go through the
"school of life". I needed enough personal practice (really
great and really bad relationships).
My years of
practice as a “Magic Woman” are not over. Now all that “power” is being
channeled into more constructive use. Today I am in a committed
relationship (still causing my man to behave in ways he’d never dreamed
he would and driving him nuts he can't get enough of it) but even more,
I am helping others reach deep down and find their own unique “power” to
create a loving, fulfilling and exciting relationships.
What insights can you take from my life's story?
Life provides us with all we need to accomplish
our role in the big design of things; to support and help others, to live fulfilled
lives and to experience true happiness. Many of us waste a lot of
time and effort looking for our passion and our life's calling outside of ourselves - and keep looking and never
really being able to find it.
I
suggest you start with taking a good look at yourself; your parents,
family, times and culture you were born into, the circumstances in which
you grew up, the unique challenges you faced and continue to face, and the things that bring
meaning and value to your life. You will be surprised as to how many
clues lie around in the most obvious places - clues you keep missing
because you are looking elsewhere but within, wanting to be someone else
but yourself.
Trust me on this, if you
want to find those answers, you will. They may not be the answers you
expect or want but they will be what you need to know NOW in order to
manifest and unfold into your own greatness. If you honestly open up your heart and mind, you will see that even
the "bad' experiences in your life are there as stepping stones to your
greatness, but only if you step on and rise above them.
I always say to my clients, if it happened to someone like me, it can
happen to you! You just have to want it badly enough to do whatever it
takes!
Academic Qualifications and Professional Achievements
Post Graduate level training in Humanistic and Experiential
Counselling, (University of Surrey, UK);
Degree in Psychology and Political Science (Makerere University,
Kampala, Uganda);
Image Management, Personal Change, Verbal and Non-Verbal
Communication, Color Analysis, Power Presentations, Social &
Business Etiquette, Makeup & Grooming (International Image
Institute, Toronto, Canada);
Certificate in Expressive Arts Therapy (University of Surrey,
UK);
Advanced Certificate in Trauma Counselling (Toronto Advanced
Professional Education/University of St. Michael at University
of Toronto);
Solution Focused Counselling (Faculty of Social Work, University
of Toronto);
Crisis Management, Long-Term Treatment of Adult Survivors of
Childhood Trauma, Treatment for
Traumatized Unresolved Adult Issues (Toronto Advanced
Professional Education/University of St. Michael at University
of Toronto);
Addictions Studies (Toronto Advanced Professional
Education/University of St. Michael at University of Toronto).
Diploma in Mass Communication (School of Mass Communication,
Kampala, Uganda)
Certificate in Journalism (Uganda Management Institute)
And more...
birth Sign - Libra
Chinese Year - Dragon
1.
My three beautiful daughters --
who
remind me everyday what it means to live life with a youthful
care-free exuberance -- that optimistic and intoxicating human
emotion that lifts and inspires us, driving us on -- making
life worth living!
2.
My Mother - I have always been referred to as my mother's
daughter. My mother is 70+ years old but has the robust
energy and spirit of a 30 year- old that she's earned the
nickname "the old lady who never grows old".
She's had only very basic formal education but to me she's the
brightest,
smartest and wisest woman I've ever known. She taught me a lot of
who I know myself to be.
3.
My Grandfather - Who died at 100+ years old. On
the morning of my first day at school (school was 8 KM
bare-foot walk and I was only six years old) my grandfather walked me a
few meters holding my hand and before he let it go, he looked me
in the eyes (he had strange eyes for a black man - very light
brown -grayish pupils almost translucent) and said "go
learn what they know". I had had only very few
instances of direct eye contact with my grandfather and at that
moment I felt something had been passed on to me. Every
time we made eye contact after that day, I felt he was
communicating to me "something" I still don't I think I know to
this day. But those few words lit a quest that burns
inside of me. Anytime. I meet someone the first thing that
instinctively comes to my mind is "what does s/he know that I
can learn?"
4.
My Brother - In African cultures boys are delegated the
role of "monitoring" their sisters' actions and "protecting"
them from other boys so that a girl remains pure until marriage.
Growing up I preferred boys company to girls and was always
following my brother around. One day I overheard one of
the boys ask him if he wasn't "worried" that I was always around
boys. He laughingly said "that one has many corners
in her head that no boy can ever figure the way in. She's
a boy". I was so proud that for a few years I started
acting like a boy, and earned the respect of other boys.
Obviously I am not a boy, but those few years catapulted the
development of my "masculine" energy (intellectual and
physical boldness, insatiable
longing to explore, challenge, take risks and live a life of
adventure).
And I liked boys even more...
5.
My High School Headmistress - Sr. Margaret , a nun of the order of the Little Sisters of St. Francis. Our
school motto: Courage to stand to be counted among those who
grow up to serve was always on my lips. I believed
and practiced every word of it. Of course then I
wanted to be a nun like Sr. Margaret (I wasn't even a Catholic).
But I was too "restless" to even meditate for
a few minutes, and was always questioning and challenging
everything and everyone around me. Something that earned
me the nickname my friends from High school still call me "Suicide".
I got "punished" quite a few times more than most. It was
in one of those "punishments" that I told Sr. Margaret, "I don't
want to be like this." And she said "God has plans for
you, my child. You'll always stand up and stand out.
It's just who you are." I knew she meant it because
even though she never said it aloud, deep inside I knew I was
her favourite student -- and many years later, she said it
herself.
6.
God - The author of love who is love incarnate. I am a
practicing Christian where to me Christianity only means two
things. Love the Lord your God with all that you are; and love
your neighbour as you love yourself. I do not believe in
preaching to "SINNERS", I believe in a Christ who “crosses over”
to stand with the poor, oppressed, rejected, and those that live
daily on the edge.... That's where I want to be found when He
returns!!
Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are
powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness,
that frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are
you not to be?
You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the
world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other
people won't feel insecure around you.
We were born to manifest the glory of God within us. It is not just
in some; it is in everyone. And, as we let our own light
shine, we consciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.
Marianne Williamson - A Return to Love
Parenting; charity work; spirituality, cultural
activities; beaches; nature and the wild; dancing; horse riding;
fast sports cars; movies; fashion; art galleries; reading; working
with my hands; quite moments alone; spending time with family and
friends; things that are high energy, spontaneously spirited and involves fun, laughing, teasing, sharing and caring in a meaningful
soulful way...
Counsellor/Therapist; Cross-Cultural Consultant;
Image Consultant; Rural Development Program Manager; International Aid Worker; Diplomatic Missions' Press
Attaché/Public Relations; TV reporter/journalist. Just for
kicks I even tried fashion and modeling....
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