A good number of people, not just men even women are afraid to approach the opposite sex because of fear of performing in a certain way where you're partner's going to be disappointed. There is nothing necessarily dysfunctional with the body but the fear is very real.

For some people the "fear" happens when they're just meeting somebody for the first time and for others the fear stands in the way of them approaching anyone at all. They may flirt and even start a relationship but dread being "alone" with the person. These people often suffer in silence because they feel that there is something "abnormal" about them.

There is a tendency for literature, conventional wisdom and even the media to portray people struggling with this kind of "sexual anxiety" as "uptight" or "damaged" by childhood. Even for us counselors and coaches how we think and feel about sexual matters affects our capacity to help.

It?s true that much of our sexual attitudes, beliefs and behaviours as grown ups is shaped by how we were raised and what we were programmed with as a child. But from personal work experience, I?ve found that when "sexual anxiety" is seen as a reflection of a person?s struggles to" care for one's self" rather than "damaged self" there is more likely to be more objective inquiry, articulation, and understanding of the person?s unique situation or circumstances, experiences, hurt feelings, anger or stress, limiting habits, etc.

Here are a few examples of situational negative thoughts that impact on the fear of performing in a certain way where you're partner's going to be disappointed.

• I would be to blame, if the sexual aspect of the relationship is not going very well.

• Not only is it important to me that I am a perfect partner. I must also be capable of performing to perfectly.

• He/she'll tell her friends, who will tell their friends, who will...

• All physical contact must lead to sex.

• Sex equals intercourse.

• I never know when it is going to work... or NOT

• All people sexual problems or frustrations at a certain age. So I expect to suffer too. But what will I do then?

• A normal man/woman always wants and is always ready to have sex.

• In order to be able to perform satisfactorily, I must know pretty much everything on how to please a man/woman. Right now I don?t.

• A man must orchestrate sex.

• I'm not a real man/woman if I bring him/her to an orgasm

Instead of focusing on the "sexual encounter" which is really what you do, try to focus more on what other relationship and emotional "qualities" you bring to the table. You might be surprised to find that your fear has nothing to do with sex. Also check out my other article - Your Demands And Expectations Could Be Standing Between You And Love.