[Player Wannabes: Please pass, go, don't read this article. There is nothing for you here. This is good stuff for Nice and Good Guys Only]
I hope they are gone! Now where were we?
If you are having trouble finding that balance between being sensitive, kind and respectful to women and being a guy that women find attractive and even irresistible, then you are most likely a Nice or Good Guy. You may have read and even tried some of the Aggressive Alpha Male Routines but the better part of you just can't bring yourself to treat women like disposables. So although you love women and in many ways admire some of them, you're finding it hard to break out of the "Nice Guy" funk you're in.
See if this sounds familiar?
A friend made an observation about me that I wasn't aware of. When we go out to a party he tells me that women tell him that I am very attractive but boring. His thinking is that the thing that I do differently from most guys is that I don't put off this 'hunter' vibe or energy that a lot of guys do. It frustrates me greatly because at times I feel that it is a liability that I try to come from a place of integrity and decency, as some guys just say and do what they want, without any regard to the consequences. I guess being respectful and nice is mistaken for boring.
I've only had a couple of good connections with women, and that was a long time ago. What I'm going through now is a period of arrested development. It's as if the sexual component has somehow been taken out of me over the last several years and now I am completely sexually invisible to women.
The one thing I DO feel I lose each time something doesn't work for me is hope --which in turn yields much anger, resentment, and bitterness toward women --it is truly a vicious cycle. Having said that in some ways, I've been a fool to myself and lived in denial about my situation. I think I somehow morphed myself to this place.
Okay, I want to make this clear upfront. The "cool guys" women want to marry are not the "Bad Boys" who are bad for badness sake. You know who -- the dude with a bad kick-ass attitude who walks up to a woman, looks at her up and down with transparent intentions, and moves up on her with the brashness of a 60s' pimp. Yeah - that one with no class and no soul. [Excuse me for going off again. I just can't hide my dislike for players and their wannabes].
Many women worth the time of the day [unlike one night stand types] can't stand these guys either. Their dream guy is the sensitive, caring, respectful and thoughtful guy with a sprinkle of "Bad Boy" traits.
[I see the look... but whatever!]
Whether you accept it or not, many women are attracted to certain traits -- most abundant in Bad Boys and which often Bad Boys deliver. There is simply no denying it!
But what is it exactly that turns women on and why? Chances are that you, Mr. Nice Guy/Good Guy has all these "Bad Boys" traits -- and don't realize how truly "bad" you are.
1: A Bad Boy sets his own rules
You must feel like you're being ostracized by society because you do not fit the bill of what is considered "Alpha Male". And I am sure that makes you feel constantly judged to a standard you can never measure up to. Most bad boys grew up feeling like they just don't "fit in the box" either. The difference between a Bad Boy and a Nice Guy (like you) is that he has learned to survive in a tough world that constantly judges him and rejects him because he doesn't meet society's standard of a "good boy".
TIP 1 - Set your own dating rules and walk to the beat of your own drum. Women, like all other animals find those of the opposite sex who display great survival skills to be superior. Seeing a man wake up every morning, stand strong, stake his claim, take his chances, put his life on the line even in hostile environments is just sexy to the dizzy limit. It shows that you have your life together and enjoy being alive.
2: A Bad Boy is nobody's punk and nobody's pawn
One of the reasons you're labeled a Nice Guy is because you respect women and treat them with the respect they so rightly deserve (hopefully). It's the reason -- you've been told-- women leave you for Bad Boys. That's so true. But what you may not have been told is that, women want to be respected and treated with respect but they don't find doormats attractive -- doormats are for dusting off our shoes.
TIP 2 - Stand up for yourself --sometimes -- look her in the eye and draw the line in the sand when you have to. A steely core that is not easily manipulated and is uncompromising about the things that matter is attractive -- very. But this should not be something you do like a whiny victim but something you do calmly, rationally and assertively -- and on things that actually matter.
3: A Bad Boy does not pretend to be a saint
We know you are the "good" guys. You don't have to try so hard to prove just how "good" you are. That puppy-like ("please, please, love me") trying so hard to please is too good to a fault. There is only so much "sweetness" that a woman can take before she throws up -- or blows up.
TIP 3 - Just be real with us, that's all we ask. The "romantic saint" act gets so old real quick. We want to see that you accept yourself as you are -- the good, bad and ugly. A guy who accepts himself as he is, is unlikely to critic our own errors, stumbles, weaknesses, scars, and warts so harshly because he knows he is not perfect either.
4: A Bad Boy is never afraid to stand up for what he believes is right
If you are a Nice Guy (not angry and all that), there must be a part of you that strongly believes in right and wrong, that is why you find it hard to treat women in a mean and degrading manner. It's just plain wrong, right? Now whether you agree with bad boys' sense of right and wrong or not, you've got to give it up for these guys for sticking with it. Having the conviction to do what one believes is right no matter the cost is probably one of the most attractive traits - ever!
TIP 4 - Stand up for us -- all of the time. Every woman (even those who claim to be independent and self-reliant) wants to know that her man will stand up for her if someone tries to mess with her (even if it's monster-in-law). Seeing you in the "protector" role makes her feel "safe" with you and around you ["Safe" is good when she feels it but bad when you are playing it].
5: A Bad Boy can handle ANY situation
Nice Guys and responsible guys are synonymous. That's a good thing. But don't be responsible on some things and disappear like a quid in ink when it comes to making the tough decisions. We want to make our own decisions but it doesn't feel right for us to be making all the tough decisions and you just follow what we say without any useful input or challenge. If we decide we want a dog, we'll get ourselves one, but when we want a man in the house, we mean A MAN in the house.
TIP 5 - Step up and take charge of tough situations. Suggest solutions; come up with new ideas and make things happen. It's nice sometimes to have someone else make the tough decisions, and take action without being told, ordered or nagged into it. If you can't be the kind of MAN we want, it's hard for us to be the kind of woman you are looking for. We like our men confident and capable. It's that simple.
6: A Bad Boy never tries to avoid the painful consequences of his own actions
One quality we women like about most Nice Guys is that they are sensitive - always thinking about the consequences of their words and actions. The negative side to this is that many of you are also depressingly too cautious, emotionally timid and overly anxious -- always wondering when or what will set us off. We appreciate the sensitivity -- but we don't want too much of it.
TIP 6 - Stop acting like the victim in all situations. If there is a tangle of emotions that need to be addressed, then confront it directly. She may whine a bit, but at the end of the day you dealt with it and for that she'll respect you more. Changing how you think from a fear-based/pessimistic style to a self-empowered/optimistic one can even help move you out of your own depression.
7: A Bad Boy has several twists and turns (and a few surprises)
If there is anything women know about Nice Guys it's that they are reliable and consistent. They are also so consistently predictable that we can almost read their (boring) minds. When one knows everything, there is nothing left to discover. No more surprises, no more wonder, no more passion.
TIP 7 - Be consistent -- consistently intriguing. Throw in some mix, shake things up a little and do something unexpected and unpredictable. When you're like a romance novel; action-packed and have enough delicious suspense, intrigue, excitement and passion to keep a woman turning the pages, we hang unto your every word because we know that with every page we turn, we always discover feelings (and skills) in ourselves that we were previously unaware of.
8: A Bad Boy believes in himself - and his sex appeal
Our society has somehow succeeded in divorcing "Nice Guys" from their sexuality: where good =boring, bad =sexy. What we now have are men who want to be seen as "good men" but are afraid and even feel guilty and ashamed of their own sexual nature. You know what I mean -- you see other guys as better looking, sexier and more attractive, but you... never good enough. Bad Boys have none of that. They do not compare themselves with "Good Guys" or try to be who they are not. They love being the "bad" guys.
TIP 8 - Stop the comparison game and start believing in yourself. Nice/good guys are quality boyfriend/husband material - and you better believe that. In fact repeat after me, "I Am A Good Catch!" Say it to yourself even if you're not feeling particularly very lively or courageous, "I Am A Good Catch!" You may not be the best looking or slickest guy in town but you have a good heart, a healthy mind and good energy. Give yourself permission to exude inner strength, confidence, and self-assuredness. There is nothing sexier than a man who believes in himself and is not afraid to unleash his unique individual sex appeal.
You are not going to live forever, why not go out with a huge smile on your face. Hmm?