Beyond First Date, Second Date To Third Date   

By Yangki Christine Akiteng, Love Doctor 

 

So you made it through the first date with this new man/woman and he/she's intrigued you. You find him/her attractive, enjoyable to be around, and with the little bit of information you've been able to obtain at your first contact, he/she seems to meet some of your personal requirements and needs for a potential lover thus far. So now you want to get your date's attention, pique his/her interest, but how do you do it?

In dating, it's not only what you do, but also what you don't do that makes the difference between getting a second, third or even fourth date and never hearing from the person again. Here are some of the key things to remember as you transition from a first date to a second date to a relationship. These are not "rules" but general guidelines. Always trust your instincts over any one fits all "rules" when dealing with other human beings.

1. Avoid asking for a second date right away

Try always to avoid coming across as hassling for a date on the first date. Preferably suggest "I'd like to see you again," rather than ask "what are you doing Friday?".

 

Exchange telephone numbers and leave a memorable last impression. If the first date went great, both of you will spend the next day or two analyzing every word and every gesture to convince yourselves that it really was as good as it was. Women usually expect the man to call first. Some guys are knocked over to meet women confident enough to call them but most men are not. And most not "too eager' guys will call after three or four days from the first date - realistically may be a week. It doesn't matter who asks, if you are the one asking for a second date, keep it short and sweet.

2. Be real

When you can not express your true identity, you lose perspective on who you are and how to act in a relationship. People who have been hurt so much or suffer from low self-esteem may attempt to conceal their true identity in order to protect themselves but no matter who you are trying to be, that real you is bound to come out.

3. Do not bring baggage from past relationships

Many singles bring baggage from old relationships into the new relationships. They unconsciously expect the same response from the person they are dating: watching his/her every move, waiting for something to go wrong- and it usually does. The fastest way to make someone run away is to constantly bring up the difficulties in your life caused by others. As a smart single, be aware that if a person has a lot of drama in his or her life, they'll bring it into yours.

4. Make no assumptions

Many singles tend to go on dates with expectations and assumptions but it gets worse, after a few good dates, some singles may begin to get the idea that they are now an item. Do not assume that because you've fallen for someone that person feels the same way about you. Allow the other person to reach that point on his or her own and be aware that he or she may never feel the way you feel. Forcing a relationship that hasn't yet developed may prove detrimental.

5. Keep all potential romance doors open

This one especially applies to men. If a woman senses
nothing but friendly intent from you, boom: into the friend/brother category you go. While it is good to be friendly and "nice", craving approval may actually undermine your relationships and happiness. In dating, it can be disastrous. My suggestion to you is to make it very clear what your intentions are. That means don't entertain stories about other guys she's interested in. Don't accept go to the movies when her first choice guy (or girlfriend) is unavailable etc. Make it clear you want to be "the man" in her life.

6. Lighten up!

Some singles, especially women make the big mistake of attempting to lay down the law too soon. They are so eager to bring up what they will and won't stand for when dating a man that they forget that it's just a date and are you simply getting to know the person. Never put too many demands to force the person to make a premature decision about you.

7. Avoid focusing on money

On a first or even second date never ask someone how much they make and if their credit is good, unless you were expecting them to show up with check stubs, bank statements and credit reports in hand. Also avoid spending extravagantly too soon. Keep it at the pace at which you want the relationship to progress. That way, no one feels that the other is trying to get him/her to owe them or is using them.

8. Avoid sex too soon

Introducing sexual intimacy into the relationship too quickly may be the quickest route to the demise of healthy and long-term relationship. Unless you want to define your budding relationship solely by sex, jumping into bed too quickly can confuse and blur your assessment process. Sex does change things and you don't want to sabotage a potentially good thing by being sexual too early before a foundation of trust, rapport, and security has been established between the two of you. So, cool it for now. It will be that much hotter when the time is right!

But if you choose to have sex on a first date, keep in mind that, sex is sex; sex is not love or a relationship. If you can't separate the two, please keep those pants on and hormones in check!

9. Accept that rejection is a part of life

You may think you've met the one but he or she doesn't return your call after the second time you called, or your e-mails keep bouncing back to you, or you page him/her to no avail. Like acceptance, rejection is just part of life. Keep it in perspective, take responsibility for your actions, learn from it but more than that regroup quickly and get back in the game. The fact that some one isn't interested doesn't mean that you don't have excellent attributes and talents. To not risk rejection is to not live life.

10. When you're in doubt be patient and persistent

Happiness may be just a date away!