What Kind Of Man Are You? Are You Being Coerced Into Masculinity?  

By Yangki Christine Akiteng, Love Doctor

 

   

 

The emergence of the Pick-Up Artist Phenomenon has fueled anxiety over the quality and reliability of the masculinity displayed by men.

When I first started as a Dating Coach a few years ago, all men wanted to know was how to attract a “good” woman and have a fulfilling relationship. Today 90% of the emails I receive are from men asking how they can increase their masculinity, become more of ‘real” men or “pick-up” very attractive women?

Where did all this “Real” Men Craziness come from? What is driving millions of men to agonized hand wringing anxiety over their manhood”?

The male population as a whole is on a psychological task of creating a “new” masculine identity one that will reconcile their vision of how intimate relationships should be with how intimate relationships actually are, today.  The problem is instead of showing men the ropes by helping them resolve their cognitive dissonance, a number of men apparently would prefer to “show” men how to get back at the womenfolk who they blame for making them feel like not real men: women who have laughed at them, scorned them and rejected them because they were not “real” men.

This is what happens when self-loathing, sexually angry and victimized males have “power”. They will coerce other males into a narrow "blueprint" of Masculinity and definitions of "Real Manhood" by attaching specific traits to what it means to be a real man. Their own anger based, shame based, and fear based masculinity drives them to attempt to confine, limit, direct and keep other men in social inventions that serve the purposes of maintaining their new found power, ability to control and commercially exploit others.

The creation of a masculine identity based on self-loathing, sexual rage and victimization one has suffered does not provide greater assertiveness, independence or self-determination. Instead it creates a dependency on something and someone “outside” of yourself to determine how you will live, relate and have sex.

Men who achieve AUTHENTIC masculinity know who they are, what they stand for, and what their lives are about. They do not need the pressure from “others’ to prove their masculinity nor do they have the need to manipulate, dominate, or control anyone.

If you want to become authentically “masculine, make it your mission to discover your own core uniqueness that is in each of us, one that is beyond all shame-based systems and relations of domination and submission, of dependence and desperation.

This is not a task of wishful thinking, hesitation, indecisiveness, self-doubt and self-loathing but one that springs from a strong will and a refusal to give up. It is one of moving beyond everything that holds you back, beyond shame, beyond fear, beyond guilt, yes, and beyond a narrow-minded blueprint of masculinity, because this is where you will find the ability to create your own unique, whole masculinity one that can fully love a woman with self-abandon, passion and commitment.

 

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