The problem for most of us is NOT that there are no more available single men and women within our age range, or that all the men and women out there are so messed up that it is almost impossible to meet a "good' man or woman, the problem for most of us is that we live in a culture which is so oriented toward buying things, so oriented toward materialism. Our form of consciousness is materialism or consumerism. Our whole society gives a really advanced training in it and now we have adopted this consumerism mentality to dating, to finding love and to our relationships.
One only has to look at the array of dating services, courtship manuals, dating guides, and dating and love advice to see how our society promotes the "shopping' mentality -"50 Ways to Find a Lover", 'Find A Husband in Less than 90 Days", "Shopping for a Man" "Guerrilla Dating Tactics," "How to Make A Woman Fall In Love With You" etc. We see it in singles personals - men and women looking for a man or woman packaged and labeled in a certain way.
In this consumer mentality, we try to grab love fast and quick, to make it ours and own it. The basic assumption behind all of this is that getting what we desire will make us happy. We think of love as something we must pursue when we don't have it and hold on to when we do - and we marry for what we'll get out of it. It is no surprise that many single and married people think of the other spouse as the other "half" instead of the other "full" and marriage 50/50 partnership instead of 100/100. This way of treating other people like merchandise and approaching love from a business deal point of view misses the seductive interplay of the male and female energies, the essence of true love and the real magic of loving another being in such away that we grow and become more of ourselves.
Is it possible to move away from this "shopping" mentality?
This is the major challenge for many singles and even married people seeking fulfilling companionship and intimacy. Especially when these days almost everybody is looking for the greatest benefits for the least amount of expense possible and using all kinds of things as bait to attract unsuspecting hearts.
How do you avoid falling in love with selfish and manipulative people and attracting damaging relationships?
The answer is it all depends on where your heart lives. If you are so focused on "What do I want?" rather than "What can I give?", your quest for true love and a mutually supportive loving and caring partner will continue to be an elusive one. If you are working so hard to find someone to love you then there's something missing. If your true desire is to find true elevating and completing love, you must begin by realizing that "shopping" for love will not get you there. You must realize that nobody can give you love because love is already in you. To find love you have to stop "looking".
When I talk about "stop looking" it's not to suggest that you just sit there and wait for love to arrive luggage and all at your doorstep. There's all kinds of hard work involved here. You have to be clear on exactly what you want, not just what your ego self wants but what your heart and soul wants. You need to learn to tell the difference between the voice of your inner guide and that of your ego. The ego's fantasy of "special love" is mainly concern with the outward appearance of a relationship at the expense of content.
Both parties feel valued only for how well they can put on an act of "perfection". Any attempt to reveal their true selves will be met with disinterest, denial and sometimes outward rage. Partners are left feeling empty and alone. And I just don't think we're that stupid to continue in a way that continues to hurt and even destroy us.
The voice of your inner guide encourages you to practice seeing past appearances, past the judgments you project on others to seeing that invisible part of another being that is in so many ways just an invisible part of yourself - wounded, fragmented vulnerable and under the eye of truth and blatant honesty. It consciously guides you to seek the experience of giving love to this reflection of yourself and when this translates into a relationship, a miracle unfolds!