When you're trying to get back together with your ex, there will be times when you are acting like lovers again and then suddenly your ex starts treating you with distance. There will even be many times when your ex cancels date or calls but then seems so quick to get off the phone. And his or her explanation is that he or she just did not feel like calling or talking to you. Other times your ex will not want any sort of physical contact with you (hold your hand, kiss you or hug you). Don't take these things to mean he or she is no longer interested in you or the relationship.

There may be feeling of distrust of your intentions, or a bit of his or her residual resentment from things that happened before and after the break-up. But whatever your ex's reasons for stepping back a little, if you are trying to cling to him or her in an attempt to force him or her to come back to you or you are constantly arguing with him or her, you will make getting back together almost impossible.

When people feel that they know what to expect, no matter what their experience they will frequently challenge the boundaries and try us out. They will push us to the limit on many an occasion. Some of this is indirect and unintentional but most men and women know exactly what they're doing.

My advice is to offer no resistance -- or as little as possible -- to his or her pulling and pushing.

By offering no resistance you help him or her disperse a wide range of residual emotions such as fear, anger, hurt, distrust, bitterness, guilt and grief. Often times all your ex needs is to know that you appreciate how he or she feels, you understand the situation, and you acknowledge his or her right to feel the way he or she does.

Because no pressure or resistance was found where expected your ex is subconsciously reassured that you and the relationship are not a threat or something to fear and you are not trying to hurt or destroy him or her.

Sometimes the biggest problem is getting your ego, insecurities and own residual anger out of the way. These things make it much more difficult to respond positively because your own emotions are usually involved. And when your good intentions are rebuffed continuously it can start to feel like the sting and pain of rejection, abandonment and whatever else you have attached to your ex's moving very close and needing some emotional distance from you.

But if you don't become part of the problem by applying pressure, control, dirty tricks, reproaches, threats, ultimatums, sexual enticement, bribing with "too much" displays of affection etc., all the things that nurture continued resistance, your ex will start to open up his or her heart once again.

The ideal scenario would be to be 100% sure that your ex came to you because he or she loves you and misses you--the good, the bad and the ugly. If you resonate with what I have written here and are serious about getting back your ex, you might want to check out my e-Book: Dating Your Ex - What You Can Do Tonight, Tomorrow And The Next Day To Get Your Ex Back