I recently posted on my blog an article on how men and women react differently to being called hot or sexy by a stranger. Although the article was about the use of phrases like "You're hot" or "Hey, Sexy" as conversation starters, an exchange in the comments caught my attention.

With their permission here is the exchange from my blog.
 

Man: I'm a short, below-average guy in my 40s attracted to only 8s and 9s beautiful women in their 20s. I've honestly never used any of these phrases because I believe in treating women with respect. But I've messaged hundreds of them online over the last 6 months and not one replied. If a guy is not wealthy, women want nothing to do with him.
 

Woman: Has it crossed your mind that may be by not responding we're just trying not to hurt your already fragile manhood? Do we now have to apologize for not finding you attractive? *eyeroll*

Man: Ugly people need love too.
 

Woman: I agree "ugly" people need love too. But "ugly" people who only contact women based on "how they look" alone should not complain when they are rejected based on "how they look" alone. It's kind of double standards to say don't judge me by how I look when you judge others by how they look.
 

What's wrong with this exchange?
 

1. The man although presenting a heartfelt grievance --and I'm sure there are so many men out there who feel the way he does - makes the assumption that the only reason he is not getting responses is because he is short, average looking, 40+ years old and not rich.
 

I see this kind of mentality from guys all the time, especially the self proclaimed "Nice Guys" who complain that they're just sooooo nice and women don't like them because they're not A-holes like the others. Just like the guy above, these guys never stop to think that there could be other reasons other than their "niceness" that makes women not attracted to them.
 

2. In his comment, he does not say anything about why he is "attractive." All he talks about is why he isn't attractive to women (at least in his mind).
 

If you're focused on why you might not be found attractive, basically what you're doing is giving the other person reasons not to find you attractive. Note the woman did not use the word "ugly", she said "not finding you attractive." The defensive response, "Ugly people need love too" exposed his own feelings about himself which could be one reason he has no success with the women he is attracted to.
 

3. Instead of drawing her into an engaging exchange -- even playful banter -- where he might have learned more about what he can do to be more interesting/attractive to the women in the age group he seeks, he goes robotic Smart Alec on her.
 

There is nothing wrong with being smart -- after all people who sound ignorant and shallow are instant turn offs unless they look "hot" and "sexy" - or are rich.
 

The point is, it's not so much how much brains you have, it's how you use the brain that you have that makes for interesting exchanges that grow into attraction. The people who are more able to dialogue back and forth on a variety of topics and exchange witty remarks and comebacks that carry plenty of good-humoured interludes that bubble up into laughter, joyful moments and ease in communication are in general more likely to get a positive response due to their personality - not their smart remarks, intelligent monologues, good grammar or even flawless netspeak.

Hopefully you can take something out of this and add a little bit more "personality" into your interactions and show more of your youthful, playful and fun side!

You may not be the brightest light on the Christmas tree but you can learn how to outlast all the others long past Christmas into the new year!

Related Article: How To Talk Dirty and Seductively Naughty With Sophisticated Sass