I am not trying to freak you out here or anything, but every time someone (male or female) acts like they "hate me" for any number of reasons, deep inside I get all warm and mellow because that says to me that they have "a thing" for me -- y'know like a love crush (uhhmm?). I told a few friends this "dirty little secret" of mine and one of them said I am "sick".

Okay, may be I am "sick" (yeah-right!) but even scientists studying the physical nature of hate have found that some of the nervous circuits in the brain responsible for hate are the same as those that are used during the feeling of romantic love (Semir Zeki and John Paul Romaya of University College London).

Of course they add that love and hate appear to be polar opposites. They also say a bigger part of the cerebral cortex -- an area linked to judgment and reasoning -- deactivates with love compared to hate.

In a layman's language: if you're in love, you're screwed!

Just kidding. I take that back. If the "switch" to the area of your brain linked to judgment and reasoning hasn't gone all the way to "off", you're not screwed. But you know what they say, " Show me someone who has never played a fool in love and I'll show you a fool who has never loved".

Yes, even I, the L-o-o-o-v-e Doctor, have played a fool in love -- so many times as a matter of fact. You'd have a laughing fit if I told you some of the stupid things I've done in the name of love. Nothing like the really sick crazy stuff in the movie: A Thin Line Between Love and Hate starring Martin Lawrence (the fast-talking playboy) and Lynn Whitfield (the psycho wack-job from hell), but Boy! Have I come a long way!

Love-hate relationships play out in every day life regardless of age, religion, education or race. And while some of the things we say or do may not be considered "hate" per se, if they are motivated by an all-consuming passion that is not love, it's not love. We think it's love (and normal because everybody does it, right?) but if it hurts you or the other person, it's not love. Love does not hurt, I know that now (I should have listened to my mama).

One of the most obvious features of love-hate relationships is the fiery desire to get even. Just as we try so hard to put up a show of how "we're loving", many of us (unknowingly) also try so hard to put up a show of how "we're hating". And this is how it plays out:

-- Since you treat me with animosity, I'll be unpleasant to you.
-- If you do not listen to me, I will insistently nag you (call, email, text and basically piss you off).
-- Since you misinterpret my words and actions, I will put the worst interpretation on your words and actions.
-- Since you put me down, I will put you down too.
-- Since you hurt my feelings, I'll hurt yours too.
-- If you don't say "I love you", I won't either.
-- You want to play cold and aloof, two can play that game.

These are just a few examples, the list is endless and can go all the way to the really sick crazy end when the "switch" to the area of the brain linked to judgment and reasoning goes all the way to "off.

The sad reality here is that, when you "play to get even" you are only hurting yourself. You may think your words and actions are hurting the other person (after all you are withholding your "love", so that must hurt them, right?) but what about you, doesn't it hurt? All that effort, all that scheming, all that wasted time, all that agony that goes into getting even or withholding love, all for what? Is it really worth it?

Next time you find yourself standing next to that thin line between love and hate, take the side of love:

-- Even if you treat me with animosity, I'll be friendly and generous.
-- Even if you're not listening, I'll be sensitive to matters that affect you (and us).
-- Even if you misinterpret my words and actions, I'll try to understand yours.
-- Even if you put down my views and suggestions, I'll consider yours as worthy of consideration.
-- Even if you hurt my feelings, I'll be open to learning from the experience.
-- If you don't say "I love you", I'll still tell you how much you mean to me.
-- If you want to play cold and aloof, I'll reach out to you once in a while because I care.

This may look like the "wussy" or "weak" end of the bargain, but this actually is the better bargain because the ONLY THING THAT ATTRACTS LOVE IS LOVE ITSELF. And if you believe (like I do) that true love does not hurt, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

My people say, "If there is a pot, there is something in it.... It may not be "water" but there IS something in the "empty space".

Download my Playing Hard-To-Get The Love Way e-Book and learn the 22 powerful reasons why a man chooses one woman over all the others.  If you know how to make a man feel that he is lucky to have found you, you can make him do almost anything, I mean anything!