How Is Your Love Account - Paid Your
Love Bills Lately?

By Yangki Christine Akiteng, Love Doctor

 

   

 

In today's culture, and especially in these hard economic times, many of us are paying more attention to our bank accounts than we're paying to our love accounts. We all know love is something we need, something we're all continually looking for; and yet when it comes to this basic human need, it's assumed that it comes to us without any work on our part; no love accounts, no deposits, no savings, no investment.

How are you managing your love account?

1) No love account

Basically your thought process is one of people are too complicated and love is for losers; people who aren't good enough to be somebody important, rich, famous, successful, the best of the best. You keep to yourself even when you feel very lonely and alone. Why even bother? There is just too much hard work. Why risk? There is just too much pain.

You clearly long for love from others but yet act as if giving love or returning an act of love is taking something away from you. Sad, lonely life!

2) Living on love credit

You're living with "the appearance" of having love but deep inside you struggle with a store of angry, hurt, resentful and all kinds of negative emotions linked to your unresolved issues. Every word, every action of love is an effort and a pain from not having the guts to be real with yourself and with others. You know you're paying dearly for your "pretend love lifestyle" but you're so deep in love debt (unresolved issues). You're disillusioned and feeling helpless in a situation that is hopeless.

A particular consequence of this is that you've developed a very distorted image of human beings: people are out to get you or are out for themselves. Regardless, you still have to pay your love debt (deal with your unresolved issues) and also the very high interest (learn how not to fake feelings, fake smiles, fake orgasms, fake everything).

3) Buying toxic love assets

You have a pattern of seeking out and attracting people who take and take from you until your love account is completely empty. Even then you still keep trying to draw love from an empty love account hoping that at some point you'll be able to "turn things around". The underlying inner goal of this undying martyr-like devotion is that others will love you and become permanently devoted to you once you've made them see just how much worthy of love you are. The tragedy here is that people usually do not love and become permanently devoted because you made them love you. In fact when people feel that you're trying too hard they feel trapped, manipulated and will come to dislike and even hate you.

The really sad thing is that, you're working too hard but not depositing anything in your love account: not saving and not investing. You're always left feeling unloved and unlovable, and sick and tired of being sick and tired. You have nothing left in your love account -- not even for yourself when you most need it.

4) More love withdrawals than deposits

You're in a relationship that is fairly fulfilling in every way but every now and then something happens that makes you want to close that account and go and find another "bank". Because your love is conditional on them loving you back, you're afraid that that you may be loving more than you are being loved. But the more you hold back on giving love the less love you get.

What's going on is that your internal love calculator (which we all naturally have) is either faulty or broken and that's why however calculating you are, the books just aren't balancing.

5) Defaulted on love

You have this love thing all intellectually figured out but have diverted all your physical energy almost entirely from the difficult task of love and instead are focused on money, material assets, career success, fame etc. You spend a great deal more time talking about giving love than you actually do it. In fact you act as if "doing love" is a distraction to your intellectual and material pursuits. You value the executive functions of love and have relegated the labour aspects of love to the "lower-class". You feel qualified to tell them what they ought to do, but you won't do it yourself.

The reality is that these intellectual pursuits and executive functions of love are just distractions from facing who you have become -- a very active participant (and love shark) in the hard cold cruel loveless world which you claim to detest.

Paying attention to your love account is about continuously finding that delicate balance where you're truly loving but also letting yourself be truly loved. It's in this place of delicate balance that you find growth, healing and prosperity. But it all starts with you. You can only give what is in your love account.

Is it worth it? Absolutely!

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