When a love interest comes knocking at your door, how do you know that old battle wounds and scars have been healed enough to let love in?

 

Seeing as each person is completely individual, there really isn't a way to know exactly when the right time to begin a new relationship is. What may work for one person, may not work for another. Fortunately, there are a few key attributes that determine how ready you really are.

 

1 - Are you living the life you really want?

 

Many of us use relationships as a way to help fix ourselves, when actually we should be trying to do that before we find someone else. Do you have a purpose for waking up in the morning? Do you have a vision of your place in the world and what you want to contribute to others? Do you feel empowered and passionate about your life. Living the life you want now not only enlivens and energizes you but also makes you very attractive to the opposite sex.

 

2 - Have you learned something about yourself from every past relationship?

 

The people who create happy lives take each experience and make it work for them, especially if it is a negative one. If you haven't learned something about the way you interact with another person from your past relationships, you're living in cycle that won't get broken until you take the time to find out. You can't possibly expect to break negative habits if you're not aware of them.

 

3 - Have you narrowed down your specific desires as to what type of person you want to meet?

 

Each relationship offers us an opportunity to review the list of qualities we look in a mate. Sometimes, what we thought we wanted didn't even come close to what we really needed. After a long-term relationship it is especially prudent to revise your list of desirable traits. Were there things about your past partner that hindered you from being really you, from becoming the very best person you could possible be? What traits would help you feel the most comfortable with being yourself? What traits would enable you grow into all you are capable of being?

 

4 - Are you really over your past?

 

I know, you're probably thinking it's a misprint? You may be thinking "Don't you mean past love?" Sometimes, I find we identify our past with our past loves. Our life may have included something that was special that we may be feeling is missing now. Somehow that gets wrapped up in our emotions with our past love. So, instead of trying to find new ways to make our life more complete, we think we need to have our past love to feel complete. Make sure you identify your real sources of desire before beginning a new relationship.

 

5 - Have you talked about your feelings with someone else?

 

It is often easier to deal with the real issues of the heart privately. However, this isn't always the best option. Talking about what's really going on in your mind and your heart gives you the opportunity to release any painful or negative emotions you didn't know you had bottled up. Trust me, there are almost always bottled up emotions you're unaware of. If you don't have anyone you feel you can trust to talk to, try talking to a genuinely caring professional who can help get everything off your chest. Whoever you talk to, you'll be glad you did.