Is He Or She Playing Hard To Get Or Just Not Interested?

By Yangki Christine Akiteng, Love Doctor 


New relationships thrive on mystery, unfamiliarity, and the thrill of the chase but these same things often blind you to the warning signs that indicate that he or she may not be as over the moon about you as you are about him or her.

The problem for many men and women is knowing the difference between 1) a person who is interested but trying not to be over anxious; 2) a person who comes on strong sexually but just enjoying the "tease" act because it makes them feel good about themselves, and 3) a person who is just not interested enough.

The reason why it's sometimes hard to tell the difference is because some "playing hard to get" behaviour is very similar to "not interested" behaviour. One example of a behaviour that can be "confusing" especially early in the relationship is when s/he says s/he'll phone later or tomorrow and doesn't.


There may be legitimate reasons why someone may fail to call when they say they will, and we all have had those times but the "excuse" a person gives for not calling has so much information about their real state of mind and feelings about you and the relationship. For example if a person says, "Sorry, I was terribly tired" or "Sorry, I went out with friends" or "Sorry, I completely forgot" or any other excuse that makes you think "Would a 30-second call to tell me you couldn't talk have killed you?" don't ignore or try to squash down your inner voice. Such seemingly insignificant words, even if made early in the relationship, reveal something about his or her attitude towards you and the relationship.

If a person is really that into you, he or she will move a mountain if that is what is standing between them and a phone. I have had perfect strangers borrow my cell phone to call and let someone know that they can't call or talk as they'd promised.

So how do you tell common "playing hard to get" behaviours from "not interested" behaviours?

These are just five major differences in behaviours:

1. The person "playing hard to get" often has many other men or women interested in him or her but while it's hard for you to get him or her, it's even harder for your competition. You get a clear message that he or she likes you more and is willing to be "caught". With the person "not interested" on the other hand, you are not even sure they like you.

2. While a person "playing hard to get" will continue to be very open and approachable and available he or she will be hard to nail down. The person "not interested" on the other hand though he or she may have been very open and approachable and available initially will suddenly seem distant and unreachable.

3. A person playing hard to get will call when or she says they will call mainly because they care about how you feel and are careful not to hurt your feelings and consequently drive you away. The one "not interested" just thinks of him or herself. Period.

4. A person "playing hard to get" will cancel a date and usually has plausible reasons. S/he also makes sure to reschedule and already has a date, place and time in mind. The person "not interested" if s/he calls at all will leave you unsure when you will next speak or see him or her.


5. A person "playing hard to get" makes a real effort to get to know you as a person: asks personal questions about you, your work, your family or your day. He or she remembers things you say and let's you know that they do. A person "not interested" may keep in contact but asks no personal questions about you and avoids any personal questions about themselves. If he or she is lonely and just enjoying the attention, you find yourself in the role of adviser, counsellor, coach or purely social support. Once they find someone else to lean on, they move on without any guilt or shame about using you.

In my eBook "Playing Hard-To-Get The Love Way", I show you how to deal with men and women who make you feel like they are interested in you until they get you interested in them and then they run very far -- like stop communicating completely or refuse to set time apart to be with you.

The also e-Book helps you judge for yourself, if there is enough interest there, and if there is, how to initiate the chase, and slowly eliminate all his/her reservations about you and the relationship.


If you are the one "playing hard to get" don't be too elusive that the other person assumes you're not interested.

Don't Wait Another DAY! Start Playing Hard-To-Get The Love Way NOW! Download
Playing Hard-To-Get The Love Way e-Book!