We, women are hopeless romantics and very competitive by nature. We get so carried away by a man who is not a “typical man” in that he phones when he says he will, he never puts his work ahead of time to spend time with you, he takes you to a lovely little restaurant and does the ordering. He seems interested in everything about you and as you talk he sits there gazing at you with those electric eyes absorbing everything. You feel so wonderful and your sexual feelings are at a high pitch.

And when Mr. Charming and witty and dynamic and most romantic man in the world says to you, “I’ve never felt like this with any other woman” you think you’ve arrived. You never stop to think “why not?”.

If he is twenty-something, well, he’s too young and still has to feel things for a woman, but if a thirty-something plus man tells you he’s never felt such emotion before, Honey, sit up and remove those romantic blinders off. Take a closer look at what you don’t want to see.

Men who say they’ve never felt strong emotions towards a woman usually send warning signs that they have problems trusting, loving or committing to a woman but being the romantics we are, we always find a way to rationalize those warning signals away. For example you could have noticed that he has a habit of lumping all women together and categorizing them as selfish, manipulative or untrustworthy. You were a little bothered by this but managed to talk yourself into ignoring that obvious red flag.

You even talk yourself into ignoring the fact that Mr. Wonderful is uncommonly good at giving reasons why he’s never gotten closer to the women he dates. There’s always a fatal flaw with each and every one of the women he’s been with: “Tracy, she was perfect for me, except she was too demanding”. “Maria, she was really beautiful except that she was gimme this, gimme that”. “Karen, I really liked her except that she had this really annoying Minnie Mouse voice” etc. In your romantic blinders and competitive pants these statements may seem like proof that you are special, but it will not be long before you start feeling like you are always attacked in very subtle ways, but you won’t quite understand why.

Let me not forget to mention that men who have difficulty trusting, loving or committing to a woman love to intellectualize about the nature of the difference between men and woman. “Women are irrational, men are more level headed” or “You can watch a game with a guy and never says two words to him, but women are always talking” etc. Even when masked with flattery their devaluating women every opportunity they can get is just another way for them to justify their inability to trust, love or commit to a woman.

I must add that many of these men have “justified” reasons as to why they can’t trust, love or commit to a woman. Many of them have been truly hurt, abused, controlled, ignored, rejected, laughed at. etc. by women in their lives and they carry all these inside of them – yes, we women sometimes do this to men.

The problem for you is that your relationship will in the long term become destructive and even dangerous. When anything goes wrong the problem is always the “woman”.

 

And no matter how much you try to improve, change, grow etc., you will still feel inadequate, guilty, and somehow off-balance. Your self-esteem slowly plummets to an all time low.

 

If this is a pattern in your life – attracting men who have a hard time trusting, loving or committing to a woman, you need to start dealing with serious issues of your own. Why do you attract these kinds of men? Why do you put yourself through the pain of being devalued and made to feel inadequate? What are you trying to prove and to whom?

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