You've been dating him a while, he clearly loves you (may be even said those three words) and you love him. But there is one problem, he is still seeing other women. You may have even talked about seeing other people and at that point in the relationship it was "okay " for either of you to see other people . But now you've developed feelings for him and you want the dating relationship to be exclusive. How do you get him to be interested in dating just you?
There are three schools of thought on how this can be accomplished.
1. Give him an ultimatum - give him 3 weeks or 3 months to end his relationship with the other woman or you will break up/ move on.
Ultimatums are usually a very bad idea. Even though he might feel love and want to be with you, the last thing a man wants is to be forced into a corner, to be made to feel powerless. His immediate reaction is usually to fight back by leaving or staying and making your life a living nightmare. Ultimatums (threats) suggest you've already lost. You may end up with the physical form of the man but not his mind, heart and soul.
2. Use unscrupulous manipulation - Don't return his calls/emails the same day, pretend to be busy, keep him guessing by dodging his questions, make him jealous by chatting up another guy in his presence, use sex as a bargaining chip etc.
Personally I'd never advice any woman to use any of these silly games because I believe manipulating a man to love you is like setting up your own trap for hurt and pain. Secondly, I don't think "impassioned and cold " tactics work on all men, especially men who have many other options. Just like a woman with very high self-esteem and sense of self-worth won't buy into manipulation, a man with very high self-esteem and sense of self-worth can see through that kind of femme fatale trap and walk the other direction into the hands of a more "passionate and warm" woman. Like I said you are setting yourself up for your own heartbreak. And seriously, if a man is that easily manipulated, do you really want someone who has that sense of self worth?
3. Step up the game and fight for your man.
Many women fight "dirty " by putting down or making derogatory remarks about the other woman's attractiveness and sexual activity (calling them promiscuous), etc. When you make derogatory remarks about the other woman you are sabotaging yourself without even knowing it: 1) He'll feel personally attacked for his choice of women (big mistake). 2) You are showing him your lack of confidence in yourself by comparing yourself with another woman and 3) You are pushing him to make a choice in favour of the other woman especially if she's not saying "bad " things about you.
My mother always said "When faced with tough competition, BE A WOMAN, fight clean, or don't fight at all ". Fighting clean is subtly reminding him that you're a unique catch. Don't just tell him, show him. Find what makes your man tick (every man is different); what's important to him, what he likes, what makes him laugh, what makes him excited, what makes him sleepless at night, the biggest lie he's ever told, his deepest fear, his darkest hour, the hardest fight he's ever fought ? all that Bryan Adams inside out stuff. Dig down deep, plug into his very "core " and then focus your attention on creating an environment of love, nurturance, passion, fun, trust, pleasure, enjoyment, intimacy, personal growth etc - an environment that makes him tick, tick, tick, tick...
Once he's convinced himself that you are indeed a "unique " catch, all others become insignificant. As for the other woman - she is not your enemy she's only your competition. The winner takes the prize home.- That's just the way it is.
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