Many of us KNOW how things SHOULD WORK when we meet someone with whom we share very strong chemistry. Deep down inside we know that we shouldn't and don't want to come off as needy, desperate, pushy, controlling, etc. because we don't want to scare him or her off.

But as soon as the other person shows interest, we put ourselves out there and instantly go "overboard" doing too many things to show the object of our interest and attention that we're "very much in love". But just when we think that it couldn't get any better, the other person pulls back and no longer puts 100 percent into the relationship.

Sadly, this happens to many men and women over and over.

And the sadder part is that most men and women never really change their "strategies" even when it's so obvious that these "strategies" just aren't working.

And nobody will really tell them -- or can explain-- what's really behind the force that draws men and women together.... and drives them apart.

Exciting chemistry that develops and keeps a man and a woman always interested in each other depends on the perception that each is fortunate to have attracted someone very extraordinary and exceptional.

We can't seem to escape from this natural desire for maximal investment. For some reason, both men and woman seem to hold the belief that people of quality -- who can stand up in their own right, outstretch themselves a bit to show their refinement and SELF WORTH -- are hard to come by and men or women who represent these qualities are more desirable as mates. Consequently, being allowed access and having a connection to someone of "quality" means that we're also of higher quality mates.

Playful resistance --a.k.a. Playing Hard-To-Get --at least the way I teach it -- is simply the process of showing someone how what you have to offer is of "quality" and will be beneficial to them and the relationship. It's about creating and negotiating conditions that allow him or her SEE what you have, WANT it, CHOOSE it and ACT to get it.

Knowing the psychological and the relational strategies that make a man or woman taste the pleasures of accomplishment, extend him or herself to his or her fullest potential and feel recognized as having done something worthwhile is the difference between keeping your man or woman hooked on you and watching him/her get bored with you or with the relationship.

So, if you've been doing everything you could possibly do to keep your man or woman interested, to make him or her want to commit to you and nothing seems to work, ask yourself, how am I creating and negotiating conditions that allow him or her to SEE what I have, WANT it, CHOOSE it and ACT to get it?

The emphasis here is "PLAY" (realness, excitement, mystery, daring challenge, carefree abandonment and lightheartedness) and not "HARD" (deception, ignoring, avoiding, acting unconcerned, indifferent, aloof and sometimes downright cruel). "HARD-TO-GET" will never inspire anyone who is emotional secure, healthy and mature to fall madly in love with you.

The men and women stimulated by silly little childish mind control games are that way for a reason. These are the ones who end up tightly holding on to someone who is so desperately trying to escape. This is no lover's playful pursuit, but rather a sincere hunt for food by starving creatures.

I definitely don't play it like that.

 

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