Over the years, I've seen an increasing number of men who sabotage their chances with women by acting in unnatural ways; ways that make them come across to women as contrived, irritatingly aggressive, boring, trying too hard, shallow, manipulative, timid and pathetic.

Men who have a paralyzing fear of women feel that they must exhaustively understand them and then use that "knowledge" to "force women to yield" and in turn win women's love, respect and devotion. The quest to "force them to yield" creates the illusion of "power over the enemy" because it keeps the mind in an overactive, continually problem solving "do something" state even if it's self-destructive.

This thick-skinned prospecting mind frame sets them up for failure right from the start. Endless, purposeless activity eventually leads to helpless feelings that perpetuate another cycle of fear-driven thoughts and actions.

To make matters worse, many books and articles written for men -- and those that focus on the men vs. women divide -- plays upon the "fear principle" (intimidation and scare tactics). Every time I read another "If you don't do what I tell you, you're in trouble" or "I can tell you everything you need to know about women to attract them" book or "expert" advice, all I can think of is "how stupid can a man be to think that he can know everything about women when we women have a hard time trying to figure out why we do some of the things we do when around men -- especially the ones we really like".

But that is not the worst part, this fear-driven pseudo-logic so often suppresses the natural ability to act in the "now", and engage in moment-to-moment experiences and truly experience intimacy with another. The tendency for a fear-driven mentality is to turn the situation on its head by assuming a posture of hiding from our vulnerability and natural ability for open intimacy. We sort of think if we are seen as "more powerful" we will be loved and respected. But the reality is that nobody loves people they fear. They may be afraid of them and even temporarily comply out of fear, but that fear builds up into a loathing (let alone a resistance) that is beyond comprehension. The current hostile dating environment is testimony enough of what fear-driven pseudo-logic can do.

And here is the final blow. When you are so pre-wired with the "fear gene" you are always susceptible to panic attacks and paralyzed by "what if" scenarios. This is an extremely dangerous mode to get into because your pre-wired fear programming can sometimes be so strong that irrespective of how hard you try ( impress, persuade, convince, manipulate, learn communication skills, master techniques and tricks, and even get body image makeovers) the programming itself ensures resistance, rejection or abandonment - sooner or later.

How many times have you been told by a woman rejecting or breaking up with you "I really like/love you, but I am not in love with you"? The times I have felt like this about a man, it's because there was something I really admire, like or love about him, but I didn't feel like I was "connecting" with him on a deeper human-to-human, man-to-woman, heart-to-heart, soul-to-soul level. Something vital was "missing" and it just didn't feel complete or whole.

And like many other men, you are not making that "click" because you have so internalized the fear of vulnerability and emotional intimacy that sometimes you don't even recognize the fear anymore. In your world, it becomes an absolute truth that women = too risky. And you no longer recall why or how you came to that conclusion, just that it is.

In your most vulnerable moments, your core fear-driven feelings override your feelings of love making you gravitate toward fear driven approaches rather than love driven ones. And each time you go through the "fear-over-love cycle" your fear of women, fear of becoming vulnerable, fear of emotional intimacy, fear of not being "good enough" takes a stronger hold in the conscious and sub-conscious. Eventually, you typically start believing the negative thoughts and feelings you have about yourself (ALL WOMEN HATE ME).

But this fear is groundless since it's just your own fear of your own inadequacies, insecurities and self. I think it was Mohandas Ghandi who said: The only devils running rampant are the devils within our hearts."

Fear of self is the greatest of all terrors, the deepest of all dread, the commonest of all mistakes. From it grows failure. From it comes loneliness. Every time you think you are putting your 'best' foot forward you find that you are only stepping on your own feet. It's mentally stressful, emotionally frustrating and very isolating.

You can overcome your fear of women by simply overcoming the fear of yourself. Overcoming fear of self is the key. Every kind of fear amounts, in the last analysis, to fear of self; for if there were no fear of your innermost self, you could not possibly fear anything in life.

You do not need to be afraid of women. You do not need to necessarily "fight" them to win them. You can become so naturally charming just by sitting down, talking to them, warming their hearts and inspiring their romantic feelings and sexual desires. They're people too, however hard it might be to hear that.

This explains why when you have a female friend you get along so well with, and you start developing strong romantic or love feelings for her, you start behaving in ways that are not "yourself". Somewhere inside you, you think you have to be "perfect" in a certain way. You forget that all you have to do is be "human" (with "imperfections" and all) the way you have been with her.

As soon as you internalize this simple TRUTH and start treating women (and other people) like human beings with their own thoughts, feelings, needs, wants, desires, strengths, weaknesses, ways of being etc. (and you don't even have to understand them just open yourself to knowing them that way) you will find that you can actually be natural and at ease with them, you can be funny, interesting and totally endearing in a natural way. Your experiences are easy, refreshing and fun. No stress, no sweaty palms, no overwhelming anxiety and no pressure to be "perfect".

The freedom to be effortlessly human and naturally charming (which most of us seem to have forgotten how) is the sexiest and most attractive trait of all attractive traits.

If you'd like to learn how to win women's hearts and make them so crazy about you that they seek you out and can't stand being away from you, check out my eBook, The Art Of Seducing Out Of Fullness e-Book -- learn how to seduce without looking like you're trying.