Why Do We Like Some People and Dislike Others?

By Yangki Christine Akiteng, Love Doctor

 

   

 

When you find yourself liking or disliking someone it is because you are picking up on the vibrations that person is emanating at that given time.

The sum total of the vibrations we send out at any given time are referred to by some ancient teachings as  "states" of Be-ing-ness.

People who match our "state" at any given time make us feel good about ourselves. We feel a sense of ease around them. Those people who vibrate states opposite to ours at any given time make us feel bad or uneasy.  The people who reflect back to us the "positive" aspects of our "state" at any given time are fun and exciting to spend time with and those who reflect back to us the "negative" aspects of our "state" at any given time give us much anxiety, unease, pain and stress. But we may find ourselves drawn to them because we need them to focus the light on where we need growth and maturity (if we are open to the opportunity for growth and maturity).

 Our physical state

This is the sum of the condition of our physical body and everything we do to our bodies: food, exercise, grooming, cigarettes, drugs, sex etc.

Our bodies also take on, in physical form, the mental beliefs and emotional wounds we hold inside (anger, fear, guilt, shame, etc.). We've all seen people with faces fixed into permanent scowls, it wasn't there when they were a child, what you are seeing is a terrible picture of their inner world. The physical state or appearance of our outer body sends out vibrations that are picked up by the person tuned (positively or negatively) to a certain kind of physical state.

Our mental state

This is the sum total of all our thoughts, beliefs, judgments, values, attitudes, receptive states, goals, day to day decisions, etc.

As we grow up, our unconscious identifications of who we are, what we believe in, what we like or dislike, what we hope for, what we fear, what we want etc. are shaped by our personal experiences and environmental conditioning. We tend to seek out and attract people who will confirm to us what we already think, believe, expect or want to know more about.

For example if we believe that all men do not like to be emotionally close or all woman do not like sex, the men or women we attract will respond to our subconscious belief and expectation. They will confirm that all men do not like to be emotionally close or all woman do not like sex. Or if we think and belief that we do not deserve certain kinds of people (out of our league), we will be attracted to people who will not notice us, will reject us or treat us like crap because this is what we expect.

Our emotional state

This is the sum of all our feelings and emotions past and present. Ironically, suppressed emotions operating at a sub-conscious level have a more powerful impact on our emotional state than our expressed emotions.

If for example you were denied affection or love as a child, you may sub-consciously fear that you will never really have love in your life. This sets up a vibration of desperation, of needing or lacking love in your life. You then attract people who do not reciprocate your feelings and end up longing, pining and clinging on the slightest sign of love or affection. You become a magnet for people who are vibrating on the wavelengths that bring you more rejection, self-pity, depression, sadness, hopelessness, more pining and more clinging.

Our sexual state

This is the sum total of our ability to reconcile our sexual desires, erotic impulses, thoughts, sentiments, and verbal and non-verbal expressions with our sexual knowledge, competence or skills.

Every look we were given, every word we were told, every touch we received, and every reaction we felt about our sexuality is remembered in our subconscious minds and in our bodies. This baggage from childhood manifests itself in how we experience ourselves as sexual beings.

If for example you struggle with sexual guilt, anxiety, embarrassment, distractions and feelings of obligation you will doubt that you can sexually please the opposite sex and unconsciously or deliberately create a "distance" between you and your sexual being-ness.

Sexual distancing can come in the form of belittling or down playing your sexual expectations and trying to rationalize your "negative" state with statements like "lots of people don't have fulfilling sex lives, so its okay", "who cares about sex, anyway?" or " sex is often overrated, there are more important things in a relationship" etc. Distancing can also be in the form over compensation, where you are always talking about sex in a very graphical (detached) manner, being sexually promiscuous, reckless, aggressive or violent.

Because you are operating from a 'negative" or disowned sexual state, you will in turn attract those people who will remind you of your helplessness, guilt, sense of sexual unattractiveness or inadequacy. 

Our Soul state

This is the sum total of how we see ourselves in relation to others and in relation to all life and to the universe.  This state has also been referred to as our natural intuitive state, our gut feeling, our knowing, our will power, our passion, the fire within, our depth of character, our ability to live in the moment, to embrace life etc.

Our soul vibration attracts those people who reflect the balance we have achieved internally. For example if you lack inner balance or have not found your "centre", your place of knowing and will power, you will attract into your life those people who will tend to swing wildly from one extreme of chaos to another. You will find yourself constantly thrown from someone else's chaos to everybody else’s chaos.

Our soul vibration is also the only kind of vibration that attracts or is attracted to people and situations that do not necessarily reflect our own soul vibrations but offer us the opportunity to grow. The soul senses that a union with certain persons can bring new possibilities for it to flow freely in love, truth and bliss and is drawn to that energy. These people and situations may not always be pleasant but we are drawn or attracted to them because of the spiritual lessons we will learn, if we are conscious, willing and capable of learning.

For example if you are in a place in your life where you are searching for your truth or your authentic self, (i) you will attract other people who are searching for their own truths, or (ii) you will attract people who have already been on that path and found what you are searching for, people who will help and support you through your own journey, and (iii) other times you will attract a person or persons who will lead you down the path of pain, hurt and suffering so you can come to your own truth and authentic self.

Our spiritual state

vibrations emanate from the part of us that is ALL profound love and unlimited compassion, joy and intimacy.

The good news is that we ALL have this capacity within us, everyone of us regardless of where you come from, whom or what you believe in, what you've done or not done in the past or what you will do or not do in the future. These are the vibrations that have the power to heal, to renew, to rejuvenate, makes us feel secure, inspires us, empowers us, to bring us closer true intimacy, to ecstasy, to Truth, to the Divine and to God. The problem for many of us is that we have so much mental and emotional "stuff" that is preventing us from vibrating from that place of unlimited and unconditional LOVE.

This process of attracting people vibrating at frequencies that match your own continues throughout your life.  

Generally speaking, all healthy relationships require at least some measure of physical, mental, emotional, soul and spiritual compatibility. The important thing to remember is that we can pick up these vibrations all at once or at different stages of the relationship, at brief intervals or at intermittent times. More importantly, for attraction to translate into a relationship it has to be present for both parties - not just for you alone.  But when you are not vibrating at your best state, you'll have a hard time determining whether a relationship is abusive, damaging, or will work in the long-term.

The easiest way to make sure that you attract people who vibrate at the frequency that makes you feel complete physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually (and/or sexually) is to pursue your own self development. Commit yourself to deliberately duplicating the vibrations that bring you love, joy, happiness, sexual intimacy and commitment, and whatever else brings meaning, purpose and fulfillment in your life. When someone comes along they will reflect you and you will be vibrating at your best!

If you are interested in learning how to send powerful vibrations, my article "Raise Your Love Vibration And Draw Love To You With This Exercise" is one of the many good place to get started.

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