The way we seek to have sexual contact, how often we seek it, whether we seek it at all, who we seek it from says a lot about who we are and how we see ourselves sexually.
Unfortunately for many of us, how we see ourselves sexually comes with a lot of emotional and sexual baggage and problems which start right after birth. Much of Western upbringing does not provide children with sexual training to develop their sex impulses correctly. Many parents in the Western cultures assume that their children are born with no concept of sex or sexuality. There is very little encouragement for children to pay attention to their sexual feelings and touching, caressing and skin contact between adults and children is kept to a minimal. Most parents are alarmed when a child shows sexual tendencies or what is considered "bad habits" and quickly try to break those "bad habits". They intrude their anxious moralizing into the most intimate biological, emotional and spiritual processes of their children in order to curb possible sources of sexual excitation or masturbatory impulses. Children quickly learn not to touch their sexual parts and end up masturbating in solitude and always feeling a deep shame about it.
Even when children are taught about sex, the "birds and bees" biology format does not permit for sexual inquiry and exploration because adults subconsciously censor sexual vocabularies and reproduced them in disfigured clinical terms. Children learn that they shouldn't engage in certain sexual behaviours, a few of them know why, but a majority do not know what to do with the sensations they experienced in their bodies moment to moment. As adults most people are not just physically but also sexually clumsy because they do not know the natural way of being sexual in the body. Instead of allowing sexual energy to freely flow through the whole body, they draw it up and out of the body and restrict and confine it above the neck. The rest of the body which is innately sensate, highly energized and spontaneous is frozen up to the point where it begins to shrivel and die. Even sexual language (and tone of voice) reflect this disconnection - dry, shallow, empty, and held back.
This baggage from childhood also manifests itself in fears of rejection; body image concerns and feelings of embarrassment or awkwardness; sexual shyness; sexual timidity; performance anxiety; anger towards the opposite sex etc. Even with relatively good parenting our evolving sexuality causes enormous tensions and stresses that tend to make it difficult to bond with the opposite sex.
Compare this to the African culture in which I was raised in where within weeks after birth, mothers begin the preparation of their children into adolescent and adult sex life. Mothers and grandmothers massage girls' genitalia during infancy and girlhood. This massage is sometimes accompanied by stretching of the clitoris during the daily bath to elongate them. For boy infants, the foreskin is pulled back and cleaned at bathing and his penis and testicles teased and gently massaged.
Mothers do not ignore the child's heightened level of excitement and mimicking of adult sexual behaviour but instead softly massage the baby's back, arms, scalp etc until the baby is relaxed and calm. This sexual training continues throughout childhood to adolescence and is completed at the rites of passage to adulthood schooling. Later on when a person engages in sexual relationships he or she is familiar and comfortable with his or her sexual feelings and desires. Healthy sexual development not only provides bliss for the individual, but also a harmonious family and "tribal" life. There is no unhealthy fascination or obsession, and no sexual inhibition, frustration and stress related conditions that most people in Western societies (North American) have.
You may not have received the sexual education you needed in your early years of development but you can reprogram your sexual code and become the mysterious and powerful, engaging, and magnetic sexual being and lover you've always wanted to be.
Overturning your deeply-rooted patterns of thought and behaviour involves more than simply seeing the "light" and moving forward in a blissful state of enlightened liberation. It requires a lot of self-reflection, willingness to look at yourself as you are (simmering resentments, emotional wounds, memories of painful humiliations, confusions, fears of inadequacy and rejection), and the courage to change the things you need to change.
Reprogramming your sexual code can change your sex life completely ? and forever!