Research findings show that both men and women form a schema of "sexy" according to media and fashion stereotypes about sexiness. They first look for men/women who fit media and fashion model stereotypes, because that's what we've been told sexiness is. Then somewhere along the line they realize that's not where the sexiness is.

So where is the sexiness? But before we get to that, where isn't the sexiness?

Not in good looks – It's true that some people are born better looking than others and that mere fact makes them more noticeable compared to those of us not born with great looks. But study after study shows that sexy people are not any more good looking or better dressed than the average looking person. Sexiness goes beyond conventional good looks and certainly beyond Prada and Amani. Some good looking, well dressed people can be lookers, but hardly "sexy".

Not in trying too hard - Sexiness is something that you either have or you don’t. Any trying too hard to be sexy can be the un-sexiest thing there is, especially if it’s uselessly and needlessly out there. If it looks like you spent hours on it or if you are working it too hard, it can seem like a flat detail on a painting — precisely done for no added value.

 

It is the sheer effortless and easy nonchalance with which genuinely sexy people achieve their sexiness that makes them sexy. They never try to be sexy, they just are sexy.

Not in second guessing - Regardless of whether you have good looks or not, if you do not believe deep down inside that you’re “sexy” - you are not. You can pretend for the real or imagined “cameras” (hey, look at me, I'm trying to do sexy, but I feel like crap) but if you are posing just to appear sexy, it’s not sexy.

Not in age - They say beauty wears thin but sexiness increases with age. As you will see below, a lot of what constitutes sexy is really how we communicate our inner confidence and inner youthfulness to others. You can fool some people some of the time but you can’t fool all people all of the time. The attempt to fool people into believing you’re younger than you are just makes you appear less confident about your inner beauty – which is your inner youthfulness.

If sexiness is not in any of the usual suspects, what is it about some people that we can't help but be drawn to their magic, even if only in small doses?

Let us look at just ten sexy qualities that genuinely sexy people have in common; qualities that intrigue us, that seem to calls us by name, and taunt us with fantasies.

1. The look of mischief – a look that has laughter and delight in the eyes. They have a touch of untamed naughtiness under their omniscient gaze - a window to an unbound soul.

2. Sophisticated mysteriousness – elegant yet edgy, rugged but still polished, friendly yet reserved. They posses a sort of "captivating unknown" or dissonance that keeps our want-to-know-everything minds on edge.

 

3. Relaxed vulnerability – a kind of carefree childlike fearlessness. They put themselves out there partly because they feel secure enough to just be themselves.

4. Self-assured confidence - fundamental ease in their own skin. They stride into a room with poised surety that their aura compels us to notice them.

5. Wit and Humour - quick-minded, easy and generous with their words, time and presence. Their mere presence can cheer up mundane situations and add sizzle to otherwise boring experiences.

6. Lavish sensuousness - a peculiar mingling of voluptuous pleasure and vibrant soulfulness. They are in every bit immersed in the depth and richness of their beingness -- and it shows.

7. Health and abundance - physical fitness, personal resources, and abilities. Whatever they have, they are content and that makes it look like they have it in plenty.

8. Heartfelt sincerity - genuineness, simplicity, and openness. They show strong and authentic emotions and affection.

9. Exuberant vitality - passion, intensity, drive, bounce; qualities that reveal both the fire and desire within. They are positively overflowing with genuine appetite for life - and for living.

10. Human warmth - kindness, compassion, approachability. They are interested in others and are interesting themselves.

The good news is that, these are all qualities that we all have within - some in smaller amounts than others. The REALLY good news is that it's not that hard at all to develop these qualities to fully blossoming levels. All we have to do is remove the mental, emotional, social and spiritual blocks obscuring what is our innate radiance.

Innate radiance? Yeah, like in natural, born with, God-given, in our DNA!

That's true, sexiness is in everybody's DNA. Hard to believe, but it's true sexiness is in your DNA too. You just have to cultivate the "sexy" qualities that are already inside.

Once you start embodying one quality, it will cause another one to follow suit, then another and another. I've seen men and women literally transform into wholesomely sexy people (without any plastic surgery) that I am like "You Sexy Thing! Where Did You Come From?"

Did you enjoy reading this?  Then you will find my EBook The Art Of Seducing Out Of Fullness an amazing resource for developing all of the ten qualities listed above!!