I receive so many emails regarding this topic that I felt the need to respond in an article. Hopefully it'll help those who struggle with lack of confidence as a sexual man or sexual woman and even lack of interest in sex - or just plain scared of it - after a split with someone you loved and may still love.

 

The two of you may genuinely love each other but then the other person feels that he or she is no longer excited by physical intimacy because he or she finds it boring and repetitive. You thought you were doing a good job but she says she's dissatisfied. May be the two of you even sat down and discussed how to improve the sex part of the relationship but nothing worked, so she walked away.

 

Now you are scared of sex because you fear that you will fail to please woman - and she too will be disappointed. And you've stayed single because of it.

 

Rejection is painful enough as it is, but someone breaking up with you because they find you not sexually desirable is probably one of the most painful reasons for rejection because it says to you "you are not man enough".  This sometimes is more painful than losing the person you love.

 

But not as sad as walking around resigned to the idea that nothing can be done:

 

1. STOP beating yourself up - In my experience I've found that the more you beat yourself up and retreat into your fears, the worse things get. Not only does your confidence completely dry out, your ability to enjoy sex goes with it. You start feeling so alone, angry, resentful, revengeful and eventually depressed.  This is the worst place to be but even worse to try meet women and date them.

 

2. Allow time to heal your pain - Recovering after being rejected can be a slow and painful process. If being alone is what you need right now, then by all means be alone but do not allow licking your wounds to become a permanent pre-occupation. It's so easy to slip into resignation and hopelessness.

 

3. Talk to someone - A close friend, relative or professional. Talking to someone not only makes you feel better, but it can shed light on some of the areas of your life that you are not consciously aware of. You may have done a few things right but it's what you did not do that ended your relationship. Seeing it from an independent person's lenses can make a huge difference.

 

4. Open yourself up to new ideas - Be open to questioning some of the outdated beliefs and behaviours about relationships and especially about sex - ideas and beliefs programmed into your head since you were little. You might be surprised to find out that others do things differently and there are some new things you could learn and enjoy that do not conflict with your values, integrity and lifestyle.

 

5. Put yourself to learning how to please a woman - This is more than learning "sexual techniques". It's so sad that modern society has given us so much in terms of technological advancement but derailed many men from understanding what it really takes to please a woman sexually. Learning just the mechanics of being a good lover does not satisfy a woman - you probably already know that.  You need to learn to be the "man" that releases the "primal" in a woman - make her feel like a real woman with a real man.

 

6. Try again - Nothing gets any better by not trying. Get out there and meet new people. Being angry at all woman isn't going to do you any good - many don't know you are angry at them and don't care. It may be hard for you to accept it just now, but not all women are the same and your next partner is a new individual with unique needs, desires and experiences. Treat her that way.

 

7. Don't get lazy - Make the effort to keep your next relationship fresh and exciting always.

 

You never know until you try it!  And what have you got to lose anyway, it's not like life is wonderful as it is now - but it can be!