We all know the odds - we've watched our parents, neighbors, grandparents, teachers, ministers, politicians, siblings and relationship coaches divorce - but for some reason we still think we can do things differently. Are we really that optimistic by nature or is it just some ill-fate determined to torture the human race?

This is what I found out about what marriage "experts" say is the reason we dream about marrying, we love of it, we long for it and we keep remarrying despite the odds:

1. We fall in love before we're born. We first learn that there is no "me" or "you" only warm, wonderful "we" while inside our mother's womb. When we are born we experience our first "divorce".

2. We form ideas of the "perfect" partner by the time we are eight years old. At this time we also develop an unconscious awareness which basically says: there is nothing Superman and Wonder Woman can't do as long as we have each other. We will accomplish all our dreams. We will defeat every foe. We will live happily ever after.

3. Our dating radar is programmed to detect those who match up our own unconscious emotional states. Even when we are not ware our radar is out there and the moment it zooms on a match - Zap!

4. We marry someone with the same character flaws as our primary care-givers in hopes that we can somehow solve unresolved issues of our childhood.

5. Popular culture provides the main ways we learn how to 'fall in love'. Movies, television, popular songs, novels, & magazines all train our feelings into the wonderful delusion of romance.

See, it has nothing to do with you. We are possessed by an alien force taking over our minds. And that alien force is called "romantic love".  While still under the possession of our own internal fantasies many of us marry and remarry?

But what if I told you the only way to escape this "ill luck of fate" is to forget about dreaming about romance? And what if I told you that you have the power to decide who you "zap" on? And that by simply changing the emotional expectations you have internalized you can say good-bye to fantasy - hello to reality.

By abandoning our web of projected fantasies and delusions, we can actually begin to learn how to create relationships based on real information about each other and genuine commitment toward each other. Instead of projecting our pre-existing fantasies on others, we can get to know them as they really are and as the persons they are becoming.

Reality-based relationships might not have the same "fantasy-feeling" but, in the long run, they are much better for us.