I receive so many emails from men and women who say they are nice, kind, loving, forgiving people who are being taken for granted, ignored and used by men and women and dumped over and over. They are bewildered by the persistent attempts of people to use them instead of giving them the respect and unconditional love they deserve. What is wrong with me? I don't know what to do anymore. They write.
While I find people who don't care about anyone but themselves despicable, I believe 100% that we teach people how to treat us.
Here are just 10 ways you may be acting like your own worst enemy:
1. You are needy and desperate and lonely and as a result jump into bed or fall in love quickly (and hard) without doing a proper assessment of the people you get involved with.
2. You rearrange your plans around him/her and most of all leave all decisions up to him/her. Basically you wait on him/her hand and foot.
3. You walk around on eggshells fearing that you might say or do something to upset him/her and cause him/her to stop liking you.
4. You are easily intimidated when you try to voice your feelings because you feel that you have nothing special or important to offer a man/woman. You always feel insecure.
5. You deliberately withhold personal information, thoughts and feelings for fear that he/she will either belittle you or reject you. You never get close.
6. You worry so much (worry about what the other person said, worry about what they meant by it, worry about how you reacted etc) that your worry creates a sense of helplessness and powerlessness.
7. You exaggerate your own faults so as to make the other person feel good about him/herself. The problem is he/she actually starts believing he/she is better than you.
8. You give of this facade of everything is great and I'm happy but you're not. The cost of pretending is not having a voice.
9. You privately harbour a great deal of anger that you react to situation as if you’ve been attacked thereby creating constant drama and distance in your relationships.
10. You are so afraid of taking risks, making decisions or making a mistake that you sub-consciously seek out people who control and dominate you and tell you what to do.
Knowing how you let yourself be walked on and treated as if you are dispensable and in some instances even interchangeable is important but the real issue is: what are you going to do with this information? Are you going to quickly build defenses and illusions about your situation or are you going to begin to do some repair work on the structure inside? That is what needs work.
It helps to relate with men/women on a whole new level where you feel valued. You’ll not only increase the your attractiveness to the opposite sex -you’ll gain men/women’s respect with far less effort.