Too often men but recently many women as well, will continually try to manipulate their outer world without really looking what is going on inside. You find many successful people, successful in their outer world, who are completely out of touch and detached from themselves. On the outside they lead an ideal life, but inside they are empty.

On the other side of the coin, if you only wish and hope for things to change in your outer world, but don't venture out and take action, nothing changes. In the worse case, you live in fantasy, always wishing for "unrealistic" ideals, but never looking at what is really there in your outer world, let alone venturing out to change it.

Before making a decision or taking any action you need to go in, into your inner world of feelings, beliefs, dreams, hopes and desires, and take an inventory of your understanding on how the masculine and feminine expresses itself in your own life.

Here is a simple exercise that will help you begin this introspective process.

1. On one page write down all the characteristics you associate with the feminine. These can be emotions, colors, needs, abilities, strengths, weaknesses, natural elements or phenomena, anything that you consider female. Here are a few to get you started: Soft, nurturing, flowers, moon, earth. Now see how many others you come up with.

2. Now, on the opposite page, write as many characteristics of the masculine that you can think of. Here are just a few: Strong, provider, Ferrari, protector.

3. Now look at your two lists. Did you write any of the characteristics on both? Look again to see if any on the feminine side could be applied to masculine. Place a symbol for masculine next to those items. Do the same with the masculine list. Think about where your ideas came from. What influences have shaped your impressions of what is feminine and masculine? How much of your understanding of masculine and feminine has been created by your culture and your family? How much is based on a universal or archetypal definition of feminine and masculine?

4. Look once more at your lists. Make a special mark next to the characteristics of feminine and masculine that seem to be universal or archetypal. These definitions appear across a broad variety of societies and have appeared consistently throughout human existence. For instance, in many cultures, the masculine is considered the protector/warrior element while the feminine is considered the nurturing/peacemaker. Now scan your lists and be aware of any emotional charge that you sense around specific items. If you have “cold” in your masculine list, notice how that makes you feel. Or if there is “homemaker” in your feminine list, be aware of any uncomfortable feelings you might have around it.

5. Pay particular attention to the items you marked as universal. Do you have strong emotional reactions to any of those?

There are no right or wrong answers to any of these questions. The purpose is to get you to begin thinking about your “own” perception of masculine and feminine. These questions and your lists should help you to begin dismantling the external ideas of masculine and feminine that you have accepted. As you begin this process, you will find yourself opening up to your inner knowing of what is feminine and what is masculine. And you will be able to sense and honor your unique combination of these characteristics.

You can change the outside but if the inside remains the same, nothing will work, at least not in the long term. Sexual confidence coaching works inside out not outside in.

 

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